Wednesday, March 10, 2010

News Story 6

Drivers on Highway 101 in south Sonoma County were stuck in a sticky mess, when a truck lost control spewing nearly 10 tons of apples up and down the roadway, with no cinnamon powder in sight.

According to CHP officer Wayne Ziese, the accident occurred 8:30 a.m. yesterday, on the northbound portion of Highway 101, when the truck driver lost control of his truck that was hauling two flatbed trailers loaded with 24 containers of apples. Driver Robert Urbins, 55, who hauls for Broadway Transportation in Stockton, believes a cable snap he heard before the accident may be to blame. Urbins, who was transporting the apples from Marysville to Sebastopol, was driving a portion of road that was uneven due to repeated paving when he heard the cable snap. Urbins lost control of the truck as its back trailer whipped and twisted scattering the apples across the roadway. Urbins, who said he was driving 55 mph at the time of the accident, received a traffic citation for the spilled load.


Clean up crews arrived at 9:45 a.m.; ready to remove the mess that had severely affected the morning commute. CHP officer Ziese explained a mist in the air added to hazards by making the roads extra slick. Armed with brooms and shovels, clean up crews had to shut down one lane on northbound highway 101 near Kastania Road. Officer Ziese was clearly frustrated with the morning mess exclaiming, "We've got applesauce all over the highway,” as crews busily removed nearly 10 tons of apples from the road.

1 comment:

  1. I'd start with "A sticky mess" -- that's much more likely to make me keep reading than "Drivers on Highway 101 in south Sonoma County ...."

    So: A sticky mess greeted drivers on Highway 101 in south Sonoma County yesterday morning after a truck hauling apples lost control ....

    You don't know what Urbins "believes" so just tell me he said he heard a cable snap.

    P3, first sentence: You need a comma, not a semicolon, because that second clause is not a complete sentence.

    Don't make stuff up! You have no idea whether or not Ziese was frustrated. You just know what he said. So give me his quote and leave it at that.

    Overall, you need to make your paragraphs shorter. Remember to make each quote its own paragraph. This should be five or six paragraphs, not three.

    Late (-3)

    19/25

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