Sunday, February 21, 2010

News Story 2: Crashes

One person is dead and three others are injured after an out of control construction truck barreled through several cars in a San Mateo parking lot earlier today. The incident occurred in a Mollie Stones grocery store parking lot in San Mateo. When according to San Mateo Police Captain Kevin Nguyen, a container truck, "apparently had some type of mechanical failure."
This Mechanical failure came as the truck was coming down a residential street that dead-ends into the lot. The construction truck first crashed into a SUV, killing the occupant, and then crashed into several other vehicles.
Victims have not yet been identified, but it is known the three injured people have been taken to Stanford Hospital, one arriving by helicopter.

A fortunate motorist walked away with only a head bump after driving off a 150-foot cliff on Highway 1's Devil's Slide earlier today. The 24-year-old San Franciscan man, whose name has yet to be released, was driving through dense fog when he missed a turn and drove over the side of the cliff.
After his car luckily landed on its wheels, the man dialed for a rescue, causing Highway 1 to be closed for two hours in both directions. Rescue crews with the CHP and Cal Fire initially had trouble reaching the man and his car due to the dense fog. However, after 45 minutes and a rappel down the cliff, rescue crews freed the man, and he was taken to San Francisco General Hospital.
According to CHP Sgt. Trent Ross, wearing a seat belt saved the mans life. Sgt Ross, who praised the man for being prepared added that if the driver had not been wearing a belt, "There is no doubt it would have been fatal."

1 comment:

  1. 1) You get this lead off to an excellent start, but you need to start a new paragraph after your first sentence (that's your lead).

    * an out-of-control construction truck (hyphenate a compound adjective)
    * Mollie Stone's grocery store
    * Combine your second and third sentences; the third one is a sentence fragment.

    2) Good lead sentence, but then you need to start a new paragraph.

    * To me, "the man dialed for a rescue" doesn't really explain things. I'd say something like "the man used his cell phone to call for help."
    * It wasn't him calling for help that closed the highway, it was the rescue effort ... so I'd put that clause at the end of the next sentence.
    * the man's life
    * Sgt. Ross, who praised the man for being prepared, added ... (see punctuation)

    Nice conversational tone. Good use of the quote.

    17/20

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